eating my words.

acai bowls. photo by angie

 for everyone who has ever heard the words "i will never miss san diego," come out of my mouth, i'm here to say that you were right, and i was wrong. i miss it. not the city so much as what the time i spent there means to me. along with california burritos, acai bowls, con pane cinnamon rolls, and wanida's voice [from flood]. i miss those too. 

Con Pane cinnamon rolls. photo by angie

 i'm going to take a step of vulnerability to tell you that i just cried about it [i'm of the belief that we all need a good cry sometimes, so this is no surprise] for a good little while. sometimes i get worried that i'll always be longing for another place, but i'm working on contentment. i'm also working on letting the good memories remain as they are. without attempting to recreate, forget, exaggerate or taint them. because the truth is, acai bowls are delicious, but i can almost guarantee they would not be as delicious in lebanon. and they would not be as delicious if they weren't preceded by a wonderfully cleansing run with angie. and they would not be as delicious if i weren't sitting on the beach watching the sunset. 

me, baby g and ang enjoying a sunny easter afternoon

and a california burrito would not taste so melt-in-your-mouth-bad-for-you if my stomach didn't feel like it was eating itself after a killer mile repeats workout. and if i wasn't with landon, fighting over who has better fish tacos, cotijas or ortiz's [the correct answer is ortiz's]. and i certainly know that 2:45pm doesn't mean much to me now, without the sunshine hitting the track and my teammates coming together for a good, long practice.

which probably means that five years from now, sitting in front of nearly on top of a space heater to warm up won't feel quite as cozy as it did in our one-bedroom apartment in lebanon. 

view from my walk to class

all that to say, i'm trying to keep the good memories where they should be: in the good memories department. not in the missed opportunities department and not in the gee, i wish i could go back there department. because from now on, i'd like to live in the i'm here now, and i'm loving it department. so for all the people i shook my head too, all the people i denied, it's high time you know that i do, in fact, miss san diego. 

view from my window. not that it's important, but
the view from my window in lebanon is a wheat field. not
quite as glamorous.

as landon says, "well, we can always move back. i'm sure we'll live in lots of different places. this isn't north korea, you know."

you could say he keeps things in perspective for me, and i love him for it.

xoxo