simple reminders.

It's easy to let the busyness of transition get really complex, but this morning I'm reminded of the simple things that God has called me to. To seek Him, to go fearlessly toward the things that bring Him glory, to make spaces where love and kindness overflows, and to do what He asks--sharing Him with others and loving as He loves. 

xoxo.

trust.

Saturdays, for me, are quiet. Very, very quiet. Most (not all) Saturdays, Landon has cross country or track meets that are three or four hours away. He typically leaves on Friday afternoons and gets back very late on Saturday nights. So that leaves just Spur and I home on Saturdays. I usually take the day as an opportunity to go through my weekend rituals, like cleaning the house, planning my meals, and planning my outfits for the week (I know what you're thinking--outfits?!? That sounds so superficial, does it not? It honestly makes me a much happier person in the mornings throughout the week). And, being the task-oriented-planner-and-introvert-who-loves-predictability that I am, I've come to enjoy these very quiet but very productive Saturdays.

Lately, though, they've brought with them just a twinge of loneliness. And a hint of worry. And an ounce of fear.

The beginnings of a very terrible combination.

Landon and I are in a pretty uncertain place right now. Where will we be living in 6 months? What will Landon do after graduation? When will we start having kids?

And so on these very quiet Saturdays, giving in to the overwhelming sense of uncertainty is really tempting. For me, giving in to that temptation means worrying about something before it's happened, daydreaming about a possibility before God has revealed his plan, and being fearful of what people might think of us depending on the outcome. These are silly thoughts, but they are not harmless.

And so I'm writing this now almost as a bit of accountability. To get it out there that this is a struggle for me, and to take a stand in my own heart and mind to refuse to let loneliness, worry, and fear take up residence in my life. Because not only are those thoughts selfish, they're destructive. And by dwelling on what might be negative about my situation, I'm actually saying that I don't believe God can overcome it. Every time I try to take control by worry or selfish ambition, I'm ripping my story away from Him and saying, "Here, God, let me have a go at this, I think I can do it better."

I don't want to know the depths of grief that choosing that kind of path will take me. And while choosing to walk daily with God is a challenge every moment, I can rest in knowing that no uncertainty is too big for Him to know, and no Saturday is too quiet for Him to speak.

xoxo.