the gift of being together.

This Christmas will be different than others. In Christmases past, I've given Landon books, movies (documentaries, of course), clothes, and shoes. He's given me clothes, journals, washi tape, and books. He even gave me a ring one year.

But this year, we're not giving each other anything. We're giving each other everything. No gifts, no wrapping paper, just time, honesty, and intention. Time to enjoy just being together, honesty as we face the future, and intention in the way we shape our days, putting God's holy work first and each other second, which leaves everything else in a race for third.

We will surely give gifts again in the future, but this year, we're learning how to be generous without purchasing, and how to give without expectation. It's not something we've discussed much, it's just sort of happened in this season of our lives. And it's been exactly what I've needed. No distractions, no holiday stress, just the gift of being together.

xoxo.

oh my two.

Two years ago, I woke up around 4 a.m. I couldn't sleep, so I tip-toed quietly out of my room, past these sleeping beauties, up the stairs and into the kitchen. I sat down, looking out at the yard, and thinking about the big things that were just hours away. I made a list of all the things that still needed to be done before 3pm. I was nervous about forgetting things, worried about not getting enough sleep, and wondering if I'd left enough time for the pre-ceremony photos.

As the sun was just beginning to rise, I walked out into the yard. And just like a true Portland summer, it was chilly (but the perfect kind of chilly for which the only remedy is a light, snuggly blanket wrapped around you). I looked over everything. I walked through the grass. And I took it all in. The chill, the stillness, the anticipation, and the idea that when the day was over, life would be different for me, each day a new kind of blessing. 

A few minutes after 6pm, I walked out an open door and took my Dad's arm. And as we started walking together, he said, "Just take it all in." I was back in the same spot I'd stood alone hours before, but this time, The Grand Waltz from Sound of Music was playing, lots of family and friends were looking my way, and I was wearing the finest piece of art my mom has ever created. Everything was different, but I was taking it all in. 

Being married to Landon is amazing, challenging, and redeeming. It's hard work, and the easiest thing I've ever done. Landon has helped me to grow deeper roots in many areas, and uproot in other areas. He's taught me that life isn't about stuff, that each place is what you make of it, and that deep down, I'm really just a desperate cat lady. 

We won't see a single person today who was with us two years ago except each other. We're so grateful for all those who helped, guided, loved, and sewed (ahem, mom) to make our big day happen, but when the bunting flags come down and the extra lace is in the craft basket, it's really just me and LB. Taking it all in. 

xoxo.

one.

Today marks our one year anniversary. It's been full of learning, and there have been some challenges, but mostly it's been wonderful. It's strange to think back to our first few dates because it seems like we just barely knew each other then compared to now. I'm sure that in 20 years we'll look back on this year and think the same thing. 

I woke up around 4:30am the morning of our wedding, too anxious to sleep. I sat in our kitchen for a while, just looking out in the yard and picturing what would take place in a few hours. When the sun came up, I walked outside to tie the ribbon between the chairs in the image above. It was chilly and calm, and a wonderful time for me to reflect. I wrote a letter to Landon, and then was able to get a couple more hours of sleep before the real work began that day.

We started setting up around 8am and finished a little after noon. I remember looking at myself in the mirror and thinking, Gee, I look like a real mess for this being my wedding day.

Luckily that changed within a couple of hours.

And it started to hit me when I saw Curtis walk out and untie the ribbon that I had tied just 12 hours earlier. For me, that signaled the beginning of it all. 

It was one of my favorite days, certainly, but like I said in this post, I won't limit myself by saying it was the best day. I think of it as the start of a new adventure, because if you had told me a year ago that I'd be celebrating my 1-year anniversary in Austin, Texas, I wouldn't have been able to imagine this journey that we've had.

I'd have to say the biggest lesson I've learned is allowing things to be endless. To see life beyond this week, this month or this year. To see no end to forgiveness, politeness, respect, understanding and love. To see no confines on God's plan for us, no restrictions on finding joy in unexpected circumstances and no limits on what we can learn from each other. To be endlessly open, especially in allowing each other to grow and change. To put nothing in a box, including each other. And, most importantly, to never give up on the work that we're in. There is no end, and that's both comforting and daunting. But the most comfort comes from knowing that there is no end to God's love and understanding for us, and only as we trust His love and guidance can we ever hope to be endless to each other.

xoxo.

PS. Check out this song some of our friends and family wrote for us.

hard to believe.

 that it's already been a year since my favorite question.

[sorry for the blurriness]

it's not hard to believe that it's been a good year, though. there have been lots of good changes [which i'm just now learning do exist. i never have been real big on change].

and landon brought me a little present tonight...

can't wait to read it.

xoxo.

sunday lovin: one, two, three months.

"First, I have found that one of the most important things in a good marriage is ordinary, garden variety politeness, the please and thank you, minor formality, etc. The point of this politeness is not only that it is good in itself, and makes life a little easier and a touch sweeter, but that it mitigates against the greatest danger in marriage, which is that familiarity can breed contempt, or at least can lead to impertinence. A little politeness, especially in trying circumstances, goes a long ways, and then, too, politeness in public makes sure that no domestic dissonance ever leaves the confines of the house. It is humiliation, no matter how minor, that one can’t forgive, or that one forgives uneasily and only over great amounts of time."

-Craig Nova

[via this wonderful essay]

photos:

1. from our engagement shoot, by nate goins.

2. when we were only babies, by the self-timer.